Trash Talk
Posted By Phil on April 10, 2008
There’s just no pleasing some people. My strict policy of laissez-faire home economics was called into question today by She With the Clenched Butt Cheeks.
Clenched Butt Cheek Woman: Um, Phil?
Phil: ….A minute later
Phil: Oh, did you say my name?
CBCW: Yeah.
Phil: What’s up?
CBCW: Could you take out the trash sometime? I mean, I find nine out of ten times that I take it out.
Phil: Fascinating.
I wonder if it’s maybe because she never seems to be around when I take out the trash? Given my status as “paying renter” here, I never really feel the need to call attention to myself when I take out the trash. Now that I think about it, though, maybe I should. Then I could write little notes that say “Hey look! I took out the trash! I’m so proud of myself, and I think you should be too!”
It seems that, these last few weeks, I’ve become something of a genius when it comes to the house here. Without trying, it seems, I’ve managed to throw things away only when the trash isn’t entirely full. I don’t actually produce all that much in the way of trash. When I lived alone, I only needed to take the trash out ever week to two weeks. Here, my constipated roommate’s trash needs to be taken out oh, probably every three days or so. So when you think about it, it’s really quite justified that the one who is responsible for 90% of the trash should be taking it out 9 out of 10 times. And heck, the complaint is quite unfounded, as the trash is by the door, which is in turn only a few paces away from the big bin outside. And, given all the shit I have to put up with around here, why not grant myself a few perks? It’s totally worth it.
One of my college roommates simply refused to take out the trash. She said the dumpster was ‘out of her way’ (like the rest of us made it the local hot spot), but she contributed SO much more to the communal trash can than the rest of us. What a pain in the ass.
I used to have to walk down two flights of stairs to take out the trash, so I feel you. Maybe I could strike up a deal: ditch the decorative towels in the bathroom and I’ll consider taking out the trash more often. I’d probably demand way more, but that would be a start.
Quoting you: “Oh, did you say my name?” Towwwtally got me rolling, Phil! It’s like watching one of Friends’ or Will & Grace’s scene.
One of my roommates in college (oh..she was a bitch) also refused to take out the trash. She said: “Oh, it’s a guy’s job..I’m not gonna do it..” I was like WTF - my other roommate who happened to be the only guy was speechless. Seriously - so much for women emancipation!!
Maybe she was talking about herself… just saying…